Get in your car seat.
Get in your car seat.
Get in your car seat NOW.
Car seat.
NOW!!
NOOOWWWWW!!!!!
OR
Mom. Mom. Mom, where is my (FILL IN THE BLANK)
MOMMMMM I want a snack.
I want a snack NOW!!
SNAAAAAAACK!!!
Do any of these scenes make your anxiety creep up? Make you feel ragey? Make you want to scream, cry or run away?
If so, you’re not alone.
Yelling is a common reaction to stressors in our environment. And while it can be therapeutic for you to yell from time to time, it can actually make your relationship more strained with the other person in the long run.
I’m a yeller. But, for the longest time I thought I was a “patient yeller” because I was calm 90% of the time and only yelled when it was truly necessary (in my opinion). But, in reality, I was letting a lot of the emotions I was feeling well up inside of me instead of dealing with those emotions in the moment. This led to me snapping and screaming over something that was ultimately not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.
It’s not the ideal way to deal with a stressful situation, but it is one way. There are also many other ways to release tension, communicate an important message or to get someone’s attention.
And of course, we have probably all heard some or all of the tips I’m sharing, but it’s always helpful to see them again and remind or teach us how to reduce our moments of yelling.
1) Take a moment to breathe before you react.
- Stop. Don’t react. (I know it’s SO FREAKING HARD. I get it).
- Take a long, deep breath. If you are already yelling, stop as soon as you realize.
- Walk away if you need to calm down. Go into another room (if you can), close your eyes or just turn your back if you need a visual break.
- Once you’ve had a moment to calm your internal rage and your own primal instincts (that Fight or Flight thing again), then revisit the situation and respond to the situation.
2) Mentally prepare for stressful situations ahead of time.
If you know that taking your toddler to the grocery store will end up with him or her screaming and trying to get out of the grocery cart halfway down aisle 3, come up with a game plan before you go shopping.
Can you plan the trip at a better time of the day? Sometimes, yes that is an option and going when your child is least likely to melt down is always ideal.
However, sometimes you realize at 4 in the afternoon that you don’t have a damn thing to cook for dinner or you just need ONE ingredient for your meal. It’s during these spur of the moment trips that we always can quickly feel overwhelmed.
- If you kiddo is hungry, go ahead and feed him or grab a snack that he can have during the shopping trip.
- Is she tired? Is a nap an option? If so, do it beforehand. And if they fall asleep in the car. DON’T. WAKE. THE. BEAST.
- Prepare your child w/ your expectations ahead of time. Sometimes, it may be as simple as saying “We’re going into this store to buy milk. I need your help by sitting in the cart while we are in the store.”
- You can even have them help look for certain items and give them a “job”. This can keep their tiny attention spans focused so you can get in and get out more quickly.
3) They are tiny humans not adults.
Sometimes, this can be one of the hardest concepts to grasp as an adult. Yes, your four-year-old has an extensive vocabulary, can operate high-tech electronic devices independently and can usually dress herself without assistance. BUT, her brain is still developing every single day.
She does not have the impulse control, reasoning or critical thinking skills of an adult.
While they look like a complete and tiny human on the outside, a child’s brain is still very immature and it is in turn immature of us to expect them to behave with an adult brain.
We have to adjust our expectations and realize they don’t have the mental capacity to understand “Wait just a minute” or “Don’t hit the dog” like we do.
4) Use the Golden Rule. When was the last time you responded positively to someone yelling at you?
Just think about this one for a minute.
When is the last time you calmed down when someone said “Just CHILL OUT Sarah!”
How did that make you feel? Did you calm down or did it escalate the situation further?
Think about what helps you to calm down and utilize those strategies or a similar one for your pint-sized people.
5) Find another way to get your child’s attention without yelling.
- Whisper
- If you are talking quietly, they have to really strain to hear you and it can break the laser focus they have on their toys, tablets, TV, etc.
- Gently touch them to get them to look at you.
- Touch their shoulder, hair, arm, etc.
- Do something to break the tension and make them laugh.
- When Mom is silly, it can generally gain cooperation. Kids love to laugh and love games.
And finally, don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Yes, you are Mom and you can do many things, but you can NOT do everything all the time.
It’s okay to seek out the help of a friend, family member or other trusted individual to help you when you are feeling overwhelmed. Asking for help is not weakness. It’s one of the strongest acts of courage you can have as a parent. It shows you want to be a better person for yourself and your children.
If you are unsure who to reach out to, here are some online resources:
Aha! Parenting: How to Stop The Cycle of Yelling
Postpartum Support Warm Line Phone Support
What are some ways that help you calm down and yell less? Share them in the comment section below.
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Photo by mohamed taher from Pexels https://www.pexels.com/photo/toddler-with-red-adidas-sweat-shirt-783941/
